Submitted by J, L, CR & TJ MORRISON
Top 10 Valentine's DON'Ts by Christian Finnegan
No. 1 DON'T tell your girlfriend that this has been one of the best Valentines youve ever had. She wont see that as a compliment.
No. 2 DON'T celebrate your special night by ordering tequila shots Valentines is already poignant enough without inviting Jose Cuervo to the party! Angry shouting and upchucking that expensive dinner you paid for do not a romantic evening make.
No. 3 DON'T try to avoid the rush. Theres no such thing as a romantic 4:00 PM dinner (unless youre over 65).
No. 4 DON'T try to slip how much you spent on her gift into the conversation. She already know the going rate for cubic zirconia, dude.
No. 5 DON'T Forget to compliment your wife or girlfriend on her Valentines ensemble. Compliment her dress, her hair, her shoes, her nails, her makeup, her jewelry, her fingers, her toes, her kneecaps, her kidneys, etc. Just keep complimenting
No. 6 DON'T willingly engage in any conversation during which your wife/girlfriend addresses you by your real name. If she calls you Honey, or Sweetheart, or even Papi, youre good to go. But any conversation that starts with Michael, I need to ask you a question
is a potential minefield.
No. 7 DON'T take your Valentine to an NC-17 movie, even if its foreign and/or artsy. On a night like this, the only naked body you should be admiring is hers.
No. 8 DON'T be your usual, too-cool-to-wear-nice-clothes self. No need to buy a new suit, but come on man maybe tonight isnt the night for your ironic Dukes of Hazard t-shirt.
No. 9 DON'T order tequila shots. Do you hear me? Im not kidding about this!
No. 10 DON'T play mood music thats sexier than you are. If youre not 100% certain you can provide genuine sexual healing, leave Marvin Gaye up on the shelf. Every mans got to know his limitations.
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