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Frenchisms!
I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.
General George S. Patton.
Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.
Norman Schwartzkopf.
We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.
Marge Simpson
As far as Im concerned, war always means failure
Jacques Chirac, President of France
As far as France is concerned, youre right.
Rush Limbaugh,
The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.
Regis Philbin.
The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.
True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses
of whisky I dont know.
P.J ORourke (1989).
You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesnt have the face for it.
John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.
You know why the French dont want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people!
Conan OBrien
I dont know why people are surprised that France wont help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldnt help us get Hitler out of France either
Jay Leno.
The last time the French asked for more proof it came marching into Paris under a German flag.
David Letterman
Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.
Ted Nugent.
War without France would be like
uh
World War II.
The favorite bumper sticker in Washington now is one that says First Iraq, then France.
Tom Brokaw.
What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?
Dennis Miller.
It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.
Alan Kent
Theyve taken their own precautions against al-Qaida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.
Argus Hamilton
Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day the description was, Never shot. Dropped once.
Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)
The French will only agree to go to war when weve proven weve found truffles in Iraq.
Dennis Miller
Raise your right hand if you like the French
raise both hands if you
are French.
Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 msieur?
Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? Its not known, its never been tried.
Rep. R. Blount (MO)
Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And thats because it was raining.
John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.
The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed Frances white flag factory, effectively disabling
their military.
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney.
The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
America = Arnold Palmer.
France = Jean Van de Velde.
America = Walt Clyde Frazier.
France = Tony Parker.
America = John McEnroe.
France = Yannick Noah.
America = U.S.S. Nimitz.
France = The Charles de Gaulle.
America = Sex with your wife.
France = Sex with your boyfriends girlfriend.
America = Stoli with a beer chaser.
France = Grey Goose mixed with granapplestraworangeberry.
America = Marshall Plan.
France = Vichy.
If you take your son to his little league baseball game, and then to A&W for some burgers and root beer, youre *not* French.
If, however, you take your girlfriends lesbian lover out to get her arm pits shaven and her body pierced, well, youre a Frenchman, Chomsky.
Submitted by Rene
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