Warnings issued by the Southern Tourism Bureau to all visiting Yankees!!
1) Don't order steak at Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours> a day, so let them cook something they know.
2) Don't laugh at southern peoples names. (Merleen, Bodie,Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari beth, Inex, etc.) These people have been known to beat a man's ass for less.
3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. This can lead to a beating. Down south its called Coke. It don't make a damn whether it's Pepsi, 7-Up or whatever else; its a Coke.
4) Don't show allegiance to any college football team that isn't in the SEC. (LSU, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, etc.) All the others are just a bunch of pansies that play teams like Wyoming.
5) Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer.
We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do sometimes have a small lapse in judgement (e.g. Clinton, Fordice, Duke). We don't care if you think we are dumb, because we will kick your ass.
6) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here.
7) Don't order wheat toast at Shoney's or Cracker Barrel.
Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended and don't put sugar on your grits.
8) Don't fake a southern accent. This will insight a riot.
9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. If you don't like it here, take your ass home.
10) We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy northern games. So don't come down here asking the score because we don't give a damn.
11) We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we want to and because we can. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other southerners do understand what we are saying and that's all that matters. Now, go home.
12) Last but not least. DO NOT come down here trying to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This will get your ass shot. You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Question our Bar-B-Q and go home in a pine box.
13) 'Nuff said.
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