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Today's News and Humor
Did You Know That YOU Are a Terrorist According To The Dept Of Defense? So Are All Of Our Founding Fathers!
The Lies Bill Clinton Tells About Hillary - The Truth As Witnessed By Dick Morris, Bills Political Adviser!
Are You a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?
The Absolute BEST Social Justice Warrior Smackdown Yet!!!!!! - MUST READ
A Nation Founded By Geniuses, Now Run by IDIOTS !



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SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - ARMORED VEHICLES - TANKS - HUMVEES - ARTILLERY - BIG GUNS
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Strange Survey
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF PRESIDENT OBAMA'S "LEADING FROM BEHIND" STRATEGY?
 IT KEEPS THE ARABS AND MUSLIMS HAPPY
 IT'S DOWN RIGHT EMBARRASSING!
 LET'S GIVE IT A CHANCE
 NO LEADER IN HISTORY WON ANYTHING DOING SO
 THE DUMBEST STRATEGY EVER DEVISED!
 WHO CARES - PEACE FOR EVERYONE
 
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- A Mother's Dictionary

A MOTHER'S DICTIONARY


AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am also.

DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words

WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.

WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
 






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